pamela.ullmannActive listening is a great way to strengthen your relationship. Good relationships are built on trust and honesty. Being open, honest, and authentic helps you establish rapport with your partner for better communication. Ok, so most of us already know this. But we are distracted.
Think about it. With our current technology, we rely on texting or emailing to start dialoguing.
The increasing preference for texting rather than face-to-face or phone calls creates more interactions but decreases their quality. This has been shown to harm our relationships with friends or family members who may feel ignored because they cannot get through on the phone when you’re busy typing out an entire conversation in real-time without stopping mid-sentence, for example!
Text messages do not provide human contact that comes from talking in person. This is not to say that some couples do just fine with occasional and mundane texting. My husband and I often send little “check-in” messages now and then. Sometimes we must inform each other when we are running late or need something at the grocery store. I also enjoy sweet little messages such as, “Hi honey, hope you are having a great day.” Either way, when there is something more important, we tell each other we will talk later. (in person)
To recap: Real authentic communication is not texting. We miss the tone, emotion, body language, and facial expressions. Nothing wins over face-to-face; these alternatives are not the best methods for truly fulfilling and productive conversations.
Active listening is the key.
The best conversations are those where both parties can share what’s on their mind. Communication is not just about talking and saying everything that comes into your head. It means digging deep and understanding someone else’s point of view. How many of us listen? The art of listening is so important.
As mental health professionals, we call this “active listening.”
Communication is not just about talking and saying everything that comes into your head. It means digging deep and understanding someone else’s point of view.
What exactly is active listening?
Listening is an underrated skill. It’s not just about what you hear but how well your reactions match those of the other person. A better listener will be able to spot any misunderstandings before they arise, which means less stress in most situations and increased productivity within the conversation.
The key to a successful conversation is not to become distracted. It helps if you focus on what the other person is saying and never get bored with their words because this will make you lose track of everything else.
Acknowledging people can be as simple as giving them a quick nod or saying, “uh-huh.” You don’t necessarily agree with the person but indicate that you’re listening. Using body language like gestures and other signs to show that you have been paying attention will help keep yourself more focused on what they are talking about while also assisting others in feeling acknowledged by being supportive of their accomplishments!
It all started out
In 1957, Carl Rogers and Richard Farson defined the term active listening. The concept is that we empathize with the person and see his point of view. They discovered that the less they talked and the more they listened, the patients felt heard and opened up more. No judgment. More trust.
Counselors and psychologists often adopt active listening techniques to better understand their clients. The goal is to fully engage in what a client is trying to communicate to you. This way, the counselor can truly understand what their clients are trying to convey and better help them process.
So this, my friends, is an excellent way to show you care for your partner or loved ones. Let them talk, and you can listen!
OK, when is it my turn yet?
Do you have individuals (or a spouse or partner) who talk “at” you instead of with you? I do. Sometimes, all I can do is listen! It can be unpleasant, but it allows me to read between the lines. I will not turn it into a therapy session, but I will give my husband a chance to finish his ranting and respond lovingly.
So tempting to jump in. Yes, you can jump in, but wait, there’s more……
Active listening strategies and methods
Without actually becoming a therapist, you can implement some very effective active listening methods when communicating with others
1. Pay attention
Listening is a two-way street. You can’t just talk without listening and vice versa, so it’s essential that you pay attention not only when the other person talks but also during active listening. We should include a waiting time before responding. Do not finish their sentences for them. Don’t forget to take notice of body language.
2. No judgment
Active listening is more than just hearing someone out. It requires an open mind and new ideas and perspectives from others for you to get the most out of your conversations while remaining receptive. To be a good listener, you need an open mind. Suspend judgment even when you may think to yourself that an idea sounds crazy. Be prepared to respond with compassion.
3. Obtain clarification
Let the other person or your partner know that you are listening and want them to be as comfortable sharing information with you. If there is anything unclear or uncertain when they speak, say, “Let me see if I understand this; could you tell me more about …?” As the listener, it’s essential to convey interest and demonstrate care by asking questions during the conversation to ensure our messages arrive clearly across all channels.
4. Sharing your understanding
As you understand the other person’s perspective, your ability to communicate and interact with them will improve. You might talk about similar experiences or share ideas that benefit the other person.
As we become more fluent in reading others’ emotions, it becomes easier to translate our impressions into words.
As the conversation continues and your understanding of their perspective grows, you will be able to introduce your thoughts into the discussion. You might talk about a similar experience or share ideas sparked by previous comments concerning what they said earlier — though not necessarily at all times!
In conclusion
Listening is a difficult skill to master. Active listening makes it easier by engaging you with your conversation partner positively. At the same time, they speak; paraphrasing and giving thoughtful feedback lets them feel heard. I believe most of us can do this with practice and awareness.
